baby, it's cold outside

Today's grey autumn skies threatened to release the first flurries of the season. The weather seemed to be a perfect reflection of my mood. While I yearned for a quiet and reflective day, my mind raced as it often does, threatening to undo the the past week of relaxation and contentedness. Having just spent a fantastic week with M., I woke up this morning with the weight of separation and sadness bearing down. I knew it would be all too easy to spend the day moping, so I put on my brave face and tried my best to ward off the oncoming melancholy.



I had a hunch that some fresh air and a walk in the woods might do the trick. Armed with my recently neglected camera, I headed outside to the crisp fall air. The weather has been so strange lately, with temperatures much warmer than normal. I'm convinced that one day it will be twenty degrees and the next day it will be snowing. Today almost proved me right -- hat, mitts, and scarf were all necessities. The brisk fall wind causing old trees to creak, the crunching gravel, the sweet smell of fallen leaves, and the faint smoky smell of wood stoves all signal that autumn will all too quickly make way for winter.



Many trees have already dropped their leaves and those leaves that remain attached to branches are mainly pale yellow and washed out gold, rather than the deep reds, oranges, and burgundies that I hoped to find. On the ground and in neighbours yards signs of summer still hang on though, as the persistent warm weather has continued to nurture some resilient flowers. The lingering mild weather has me all turned around, too. Even though I've been craving the cool fall air today's chill took me by surprise. Inevitably one thinks of loss as the seasons shift, but I try to welcome the the quiet that fall brings before the long dreariness of winter settles upon us.



Bringing my camera on my walk helped to provide the focus that I very much needed today. Traipsing through the yard and up the road through the woods, I became absorbed in shot set up and composition. Adjusting shutter speed, aperture, and ISO create almost a meditative effect, leaving little room in my brain for other thoughts. A hundred pictures and a few hours of picking apples, modelling knitwear, shuffling through leaves, and creating a new blog banner all provided a small amount of solace that I didn't think would be possible today.



Alas, as the sun set and the temperature continued to drop, that melancholy that I'd been warding off came knocking at the door. But, for a little while at least, I didn't feel sorry for myself, I didn't wonder how I'd face going back to work, and I didn't start counting the days until I'd get to see M. again.