hello sunshine

I had to struggle to drag myself out of bed this morning. I've been trying to establish and maintain some sort of rhythm, some systematic productivity, with varying degrees of success. Now we're well into May and I'm still trying to figure out what happened to the rest of April. As usual, bits and pieces are getting done, but nothing is really being completed. After seeing snow three days during the past week, the forecasters are calling for highs of 14C today (and 29C tomorrow!). While these dramatic swings in the weather are likely to create havoc with my allergies, I'm hoping once again that the sun and warmer temperatures will help to kick me out of my rut. I feel like I've lost my sense of discipline. My mind wanders easily and aimlessly, and while my 'To Do' list grows, I'm slow in checking things off the list.

I'm still making my way through my camera manual and will soon be ready to tackle the book on exposure. I've been taking pictures more and finally upgraded my flickr to pro. As you probably already noticed, I even figured out how to make a banner for the blog. I'm not completely happy with it, but I think it adds a bit of brightness around here.

Knitting on Ivy continues apace when I actually spend some time with it. The back and front left are finished, but I am stalled on the right front. I've made a small but annoyingly visible mistake. After considering several options for continuing on and attempting to make the error fit with the rest, I've come to the conclusion that the only option is to rip it back. Like other knitters, I hate having to rip back what is otherwise perfectly lovely knitting, save that one error. So, it sits for now in my basket, waiting for my patience to rise to the challenge of knitting surgery. I'm going to have to tackle it sooner rather than later, though, as I want to have it finished in time for a trip in a few weeks.

Probably in defiance of most economic logic given my current employment status (that is unemployed), I've booked a trip that will most certainly do a great deal to preserve my mental health. For two weeks at the very end of May and beginning of June I'll be in Ottawa. I'm so excited about this. M. had already planned a trip home to spend time with family and friends during a short school break. In a sort of spur of the moment decision, I thought it might be a nice opportunity for me to get to see him and to visit with his family. My previous trips to Ottawa have been in the winter (very cold) and fall (unseasonably warm, but beautiful), so I'm happy to be able to experience a different season this time around. I've already started checking out some of the goings on while I'll be in town and this photography exhibit at the National Gallery is currently at the top of my list.

More soon (hopefully with some photos). For now, I'm going to enjoy the sunshine.

it goes

The weather has improved ever so slightly here over the past week. However, the mild temperatures the hovering above freezing temperatures combined with all of the rain have reminded me (and my sinuses) that the warm weather that I've been waiting for brings with it all manner of allergies. Ah well, I'll take the nicer weather and manage the sneezing and itchiness.

As for the rest, I'm working on translating the ideas knocking around in my head onto paper, trying to make sense out of everything. I'm taking Anjali's advice to heart, watching less t.v. and spending more time doing the things that I like, things that might actually help me sort through the jumble of thoughts that race through my brain. Working on realising that little things might help improve the bigger picture is a challenge for me. I so often get frustrated by my inability to make the big changes that I want or need, and forget that, at the very least, the small things can provide some manner of comfort when everything else is so overwhelming.

In that vein, I'm working on setting some small goals and projects for myself. Ideally these things will help me focus and renew whatever creative tendencies that I have. Therein I might be able begin to see what it is that I want to be doing. There's a purely practical aspect to this as well -- the financial implications weigh heavy on my mind much of the time. What I'm beginning to see though is that the two, a rewarding career and some level of financial stability, don't have to be mutually exclusive. Yet I find it difficult to not let looming debt control my decision making process. While I have no illusions about making scads of money, enough to live a modest existence would be nice.

That being said, I'm working on establishing these projects. Over time, I want to set them out here, hoping that by exposing them I'll hold myself more accountable to actually seeing them through. One of my first goals is to really learn how to use my camera. Inspired by what I've been seeing on flickr, I get frustrated when my results don't even begin to compare. After owning the camera for just over a year, I only know what a fraction of the functions mean. Between pestering my shutterbug brother and glancing at the camera manual, I can get sometimes satisfactory, but not outstanding, results. The camera search feature on flickr shows me that my little camera is capable of so much more. It's time for me to sit down and read the camera manual, along with this book that I got last summer. I figure that if I can take better pictures, I'll be likely to take more pictures.

I also have some other ideas, but more about those at another time. More soon.