excuse me for my self-indulgence

my head is all over the place these days. i've always wished that i was more carefree, more able to fly by the seat of my pants, more ready to try new things. less of a worrywart. but, if i'm being honest, i work better with structure, with a certain amount of guidelines, if not rules. i'm not good when i don't know what comes next. lately i've been thinking a lot about these kinds of what am i going to do with my life type questions. that makes it sound so dramatic. it's not, really. but it is about making decisions, small and larger, about making my life something that i'm more interested in living. and it's not all bad, but the bits that make you worry and make you sad have this nasty way of overshadowing everything else. the job that i'm doing now is good and it's interesting, and it allows me to work from home. i really like the ability to work from home, but sometimes it's way too tempting for me. it's too easy to turn on the t.v., to check e-mail, to read blogs. i'm a master (mistress?) of distraction and procrastination. or maybe i'm just lazy.

at any rate, all of this is to say that i'm working on it. i'm thinking of good friends who are facing big changes and all of my angst seems a bit whiny. it's sort of funny how sometimes it feels like everyone you know is going through a shift in her or his life, unsure of what to do or where to go next. these two crafty bloggers hit the nail on the head for me. i guess figuring things out is sort of like a never-ending work in progress. *groan*.