pick yourself up, dust yourself off

For the past few weeks, I've felt like there's been a huge cloud over my head. I felt an even deeper kinship to Eeyore on Tuesday morning when I woke up and immediately realised that I had missed a day in my Project 365. After a brief wave of nausea, and resisting the urge to bang my head against the wall, I tried to look clearly at the situation. Taking a photo a day seems so small in some ways, but it has become such a regular part of my life. Missing a day felt like a huge letdown. I was, and still am, frustrated and a little sad by the break. There have been quite a few days, in the past 250 odd days since I started the project, where I was worried that I would forget to get a shot in. And then, on a day when I least expected, I actually did forget.

I must admit that my immediate reaction was to throw in the towel, that what was the point of a photo a day project when I'd missed a day. But given that I'm trying to reduce rather than increase the stress in my life right now, I tried to be a bit easier on myself. In the 365 group on flickr, I'd read about how various people were dealing with this very situation. Most agreed that acknowledging that day somehow, but proceeding with the project, was the way to go. Hell, 253 consecutive days of photos is quite an achievement, I reminded myself, so why give up now. Knowing full well that the final stretch of the project is going to be even more challenging as winter approaches and daylight decreases, I decided to do just as some of the other 365 photographers had done -- I kept going.

The photo for day after the missed day, and for the rest of the days this week for that matter, wasn't a great photo. Actually, it was pretty awful. But carrying on with the project, and the very fact that I thought only briefly about chucking in the whole project, confirms what I'd already suspected about the effect that Project 365 was having on me. Notwithstanding the days where my frustration with my little point and shoot overwhelms any creativity and the times when I have no time or inspiration, I've become quite fond of the project, of how it forces me to have contact with my camera. Some days, when I'm having DSLR envy or the light is crappy or I'm feeling plain uninspired, I even manage to surprise myself.

A while ago, I wrote about how spending time with my camera composing shots and adjusting ISO, aperture, and shutter speed was a helpful way for me to deal with stress. I think that I too easily forget how therapeutic photography can be for me. I've been thinking too much of Project 365 as an obligation rather than an opportunity. The project could be the perfect excuse to inject a bit of creativity and relaxation into otherwise stressful and uninspired days. So, with just over a hundred days left, I'm going to try more to be happy with, rather than resent, the obligation and opportunity of taking a photo a day. Maybe, just maybe, I'll take some better photos and do a better job of managing stress.